I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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