i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im part way to drunk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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