why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
