the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
