I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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