She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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