id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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