I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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