I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
