I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
