The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
