my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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