Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
