I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
