I want to stick my p in your. b.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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