this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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