I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
