I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
