Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
