On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
