Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
