That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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