4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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