And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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