It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize