I'm really into asian looking animals
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize