I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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