Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
