In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
