hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
