Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
