our cab driver is having phone sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
