why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
