Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
