Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
