Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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