This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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