this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
