I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
