I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
