Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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