why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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