I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They took my balls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
