I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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