we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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