Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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