I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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