walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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