so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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