I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
