two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
