Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
