I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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