I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
