In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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