Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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