All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
