This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize