Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
