I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
