It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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