After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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