guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
