i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize