If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
did you just send me my own nude
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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