I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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