summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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